Blog 32: Intimacy and Fear

 

Blog 32: Intimacy and Fear

Relationships are tough! Words are sometimes spoken out of fear and words are sometimes NOT spoken out of fear. The fear that surfaces in our subconscious is most likely precipitated by a fear of rejection in one form or another.

The fear could be simply expressed by one of the parties leaving the conversation (or the relationship). Fear can prompt one to choose a behavior that they might not normally choose if the person felt safe in expressing themselves, verbally or physically. Fear can hold us back from experiencing many blessings in our lives or it can lead us to say something unkind or lead us to having a burst of anger and doing something rash.

One Google report says that there are 354 verses with the word “fear” in them in the Holy Bible, another report suggests 365, which would mean that one could read a verse a day for a year that included the word “fear”. Another account says 1025 instances. Many of these verses are to instruct us not to be afraid because God is with us. Others speak of fear in terms of “revering” someone, for example, to “fear” God’s wrath. In terms of the purpose of this blog, I want to speak to the example of “fear” regarding relationships between two people.

Friendships come and go and some people are more likely to let them go over trivial or serious matters. I think, however, that it is very important for people to do some serious self-checking before they commit to another human being in marriage. There is a bond that can only occur if the two individuals are willing to be totally transparent/vulnerable with one another. Otherwise, ask yourself, how authentic a relationship can they truly have without it?

What do you want in your relationship? Do you want true intimacy? If so, it will require you to be brave multiple times a day and risk rejection without becoming defensive. Is this something you are willing to do? If so, then with God’s guidance, you may be ready for that long-term relationship you may be looking for. If you are not willing to put yourself out there emotionally or find that blame and/or defensiveness come easily to you, you may not be ready for that long-term relationship.

Now, on the other hand, if you are looking for mediocrity or a stranger for just a roommate and or bed partner, then ignore everything I just said. Your choice, your life.

I like what it says in the Bible in 1 John 4:18 “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” And Matthew 22:39 which simply states: “… Love your neighbor as yourself”.

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